........I think by now I should confirm that I'll be sticking to 13 for my form 5 year.....so that problem aside....I guess it's just life that when one problem's gone, the next one emerges the next second....I know I shouldn't do this but I feel like I just can't sleep at night if I don't....I have a TERRIBLE mother for a parent and right now, I feel like I hate her more than I've ever hate anyone before in my life....but by some divine miracle, I haven't given her the full piece of my mind...though it's just a matter of time before I do....
....As to why I'm saying this is because she has been getting on my nerve for the past 7 months now...it started out small as a normal argument like I wanna buy something but she wouldn't let me....but ever since then, bit by bit I've realizing how her every action has affected me....and the result of it leads to me realizing that she's the one MOST RESPONSIBLE for screwing up MY LIFE, if it wasn't for her bad judgment, I would have crap myself to humiliation which ruin more than 3 years of my life!!! If it wasn't for her, I would've been a totally different and nicer person to make it short....and just because I didn't wanna continue my add maths tuition JUST beacause I JUST wanted to PASS, she twist and turn stories so that everybody will think that I'M the BAD GUY, not her....she has the nerve to tell ppl that I've become a bad son? that MY best friend has been a bad influence on me all these years? and just to add insult to injury, I was in the top 3 classes my whole primary year??? the last one my not make sense to a lot of you but all those things are nothing but a bunch of BULLSHIT!!!!!they're LIES LIES LIES LIES created by MY MOTHER just because she didn't like the way I've been treating her for months!!!!
.....I have been treating her worse than the rest of my family because I wanted to prove a point. What kind of mother just LAUGH at her son when her son's crying or whenever he's being serious??!!! Since young I was pratically "caged" in my house and I couldn't go out until I was 11....WTF'S WITH THAT???!!!!!! And jus so you ppl know, a lot of ppl DON'T LIKE HER because she keeps meddling with ppl's affairs, in other words, she's being VERY KIA SU with things ppl don't want her to!!! And she practically gives the worse advises EVER!!! Every time I follow what she says, it has NEVER EVER benefited my whatsoever, instead, it made my life worse! Another thing that pisses me off is that she can even tell ppl that I have NO FRIENDS and she DOESN'T KNOW WHY THINGS ARE BAD IN SCHOOL for me!!!! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF MOTHER IS THAT???!!!!!!! she doesn't even know me anymore and when she do know even 0.01% of it, she jumps into conclusion about my life and she makes it seems that she's ALWAYS RIGHT....she is one of THE MOST SELF-RIGHTEOUS PERSON I HAVE EVER MET in my whole life, every other asshole I've met in my life couldn't even hold a candle to her in terms of being one of the most self-righteous, self-centered, controlling and whenever I try to defend myself, she can mouth off to me and say, "I'm your mother, I have the right say so/do so" it may not be 100% correct but I can damn sure guarantee that it is at least 90% on the mark....
.....she's the kind of person who thinks she knows best, that she's always right! she doesn't listen to ppl, even if she did, it's like it goes in one ear and goes out the next, she's is one of THE MOST UN-UNDERSTANDING PARENT no, PERSON I've EVER MET!!!! I mean whenever something's wrong she keeps thinking she's right and that EVERYONE should listen to her otherwise they're not gonna be able to continue their life properly, that's how she acts....and when she knows she can't do something, she always ask someone else to do it for her, always asking "someone" to listen and she'll be the puppet-master from the shadows....like i said, she's a control freak...the only thing that's keeping me going, is the fact that one day I'm gonna leave this house....and I'm NEVER coming back!!! Just to make it sweeter, she was sick last year and had to go to the hospital, she had to stay there for a few days, originally I didn't wanted to go because I knew what was gonna happen....and I'm still human so I went there trying my best to keep my anger locked away....but when I reached there, the FIRST THING that she did when she see me is try to PISS ME OFF!!! It just goes to show the extent of how much she wants me to be constantly angry...I've been trying so long to change my life around, to to control my anger, to be able to smile without it being fake but SHE, SHE had to insert herself and mess with MY LIFE, I had made plans, plans to make my life better, even when I was a kid....but because of her, I had to throw it all away and be stuck with the misarable state that I'm in right now......and SHE even dares to compare me to other ppl's children saying, "Why other's people can, why you cannot?" or "Other people's children know when to do things without them telling" and there's more where that came from...but I really remember them all.....and there's one thing, some things ppl don't know how to do....so how the hell are they suppose to do it if they don't even know how?! Right now I am filled with anger just by thinking about her, much less having to live with her....it's painful.....but I'm making new plans to build back my life which have been crush by the very person who gave it to me in the first place....and I need all the help I can get....now, this may seem like I'm a terrible trrible son....but I have no other options left....I'm gonna alienate her from my life as much as possible...I don't want her to have ANYTHING to do with my life.....then maybe this crushed soul can live once again.....just maybe.....but I don't plan on just making it a 'maybe'......I want my life back and dammit I've been in hell for far too long! I'll run, I'll walk, I'll crawl my way through if I have to so that I can get my life, my will, my resolve back without being controlled by the puppet-master anymore.....I have very few people to help me do so....but I can't just rely on them, even so, I still need they're help so that I can finally be free.....just so I can be free to live out my life the way I WANT TO...not the way that others want me to.......
-E-
