Zzzzz....

Not continuing last part's follow-up and i'll start this time with pics of things that happened some time ago...i think all happened last month til this month.....

First of....

first pic I drew this year which I actually decide to put in abit of effort...turned out ok for me at first....but then I realized that it wasn't actually nice....so, I decided to throw it a few 1 or 2 days later....fajran said it was a real waste that I did so....but in it's place...


the second one....nice anot??? pls comment if it's nicezzz....>.< after I threw the first one, fajran said I was gonna do the same with this one...well, I might if I manage to produce a better one...MIGHT....i luv this pic~ the first pic was abt like 15-20% good in my view...this one's....abt 30-45% XD I can do much better than this...these 2 pics I drew through memory and hopefully the 3rd one(if there's gonna be one) would reach at least 60-75% nicezzz

And now....presenting....this guy!!!! here's ur belated b'day post Darren XDXDXDXD
Happy 1 month Belated Birthday!!!XD

this, this guy here ^ is gay!!! XD originally wanted to do a belated b'day post for him and his bweh-cerssssss XD but being to lazy I just din do it XDXDXDXD

...yes, this guy does indeed L.O.V.E. crystal meth...XD drew a few pics of him being a crystal meth lover and fan club president but dunno where the pics are edi XD

this happened last month I think...this guy was sleeping and the others were messing around wif this guy...i just took the pic XD

so...went to bm seminar in UM yesterday for 10 hours....waited for the bus which came 30min late...and left UM abt 30 min late as well....seminar was average....food was below average and if u tell them, they'll say "u come to stahdee or come to come to eat hah?"...aside that....today in sch play truth or dare which all mainly pick truth and those involved, most of them incl me kena kao kao...after a few turns all was forced to pick dare instead of truth and only fajran and andrew did it coz the rest which was suggested was practically embarressing XD dunno if i spelled it correctly, correct me if I'm wrong, I got a dare to go in front of a girl and do boobies sign XD a whole lot more funnier if u saw how fajran wanted me to do it and teacher was in class so i didn't do it >.<>.< , slept in sch 2day, came back home sleep again and I'll feel tired until I get a good rest after sch 2moro....not gonna add new stuffs like music and videos til later on...2moro...next week....month...year....XD u get the pic, i'll update it when I feel like it....and I'm out.

-E-

The Same Routine Over And Over Again....

...something I drew in school when I was bored after finishing my work....

.......Just a quick update to say that I updated most things which you should check out....don't really have anything more to say.....other than I hate my life....that's all

-E-

(note: i just realized that linked rasyidi and lionel terbalik....and i can't edit it for some reason...anywayz, at least u know...)

T.K.W.P....

Zzzz....just wanted to put something about a quiz about how am I which I took recently on facebook XS it's...very true I guess....XD you ppl tell me how true it is and what you think about it....and oh, I'm not gonna reply to any nonsense so, here it is...

-You Are the Kid with Potential-
How you see yourself: You don't really care about school or grades. Rules apply to you, but you don't seem to take them seriously. You are very laid-back and outgoing, so you are easy to like. You can be funny when you want to be, but being serious about things can occasionally be an issue. How others see you: Others see you as the slacker. Whether they know it for a fact or not, they may think of you as the "bad kid" who hangs with the "bad crowd." They generally like you, however, because they wish they could have a stress-free life like you. Who you are: You have the potential to be great. You are very intelligent, but you don't try because you don't see the point or because you have better things to do. You find it difficult to take studying seriously or to work for long periods of time. You don't feel that others have much faith in your abilities, so you laze around because you don't have faith in yourself. You will, however, be a stress-free person, and that will make you happier than most.

Zzzzz....that's all from me now I guess....XD

-E-

(edit)
oh, quick note...on my last post at the ending part I accidentally wrote "it's adult stuffs like some of you pervs think it is....", I meant to write 'it isn't'....well, I don't really bother to read what I wrote to make sure everything's correct so...*some parts missing*XS

Part 6: It---

This pic has an AWESOME artwork!!!! DAMN IT'S NICE!!!!

....Zzzzz......this holiday is B.O.R.I.N.G.!!!!! Omg, practically stayed indoor for more than half the holiday playing GG everyday and just earlier this morning, freaking electricity went off about 9am when I'm still sleeping...wth??? Class dinner, that's another thing! It really just follows the concept of da NAME, CLASS DINNER...and that's all it was! Walaoneh, first went there early due to my nature of not liking to be late for things....so reach there like 6.30 and the thing started at 7...About a dozen ppl were there already and me, I was the ONLY GUY there for like 1 1/2 HOURS!!! OMG, keep hearing ppl talking and talking and talking and all I was thinking about was "pls lah, come la guys, dun ffk me ah!!! If u do, i'll kick ur asses after holidays!!!!" thankfully like 3 of them came, others were god knows where and for the 1 1/2 hours period, the guys serving us seriously probably thought I was gay(F**K!!!) And the other thing was....the reason a 'Class Dinner' was named so is because it's meant for ppl FROM that class!!! Unless ur like coming with ur bf or gf, wtf other reason is there for u to go there?! There were 2 ppl who 'invaded' the "dinner" 1 gurl and 1 guy...wait no, not guy, F.A.G.G.O.T. The gurl I don't mind cause like the ppl in charge of organizing the dinner INVITED her but the guy, that's the thing, he came saying he wanted to get some "groceries" from SUNWAY PYRAMID...yes, SUNWAY PYRAMID....WHO THE HELL goes there to buy "groceries"?!!! Obviously he came just for f**ks!!! And only 1 person invited him and it wasn't the person in charge of organizing the dinner so, WHY THE F**K are YOU there in the first place?!! And when ppl ask him, he answered like a f**ked up pussy saying "uhh...*someone* invited me" and ppl from my class said, "why u come?", "hu u came wif?", "who invited u" and a few were laughing when the ppl asked that question, you know who you are, the ppl who asked those questions~ and thank god the thing ended about like 9pm or something...AFTER THAT, me and a few more ppl wanted to go look around....and so we did...me, syafiq and fajran were at 'Topman' when I saw a couple of sweaters that reminded me that I wanted to buy one...I asked Desh who later went to dunno where with his gf, he said 'Giordano' had some nice ones and so I said that after fajran was done trying on some shirts, we'd go there....Fajran...next time, don't take like 20 min to buy a few shirts....mr.fajran took his own sweet time and finally he bought his shirts....after that, we wanted to go to 'Giordano' so that I can buy a sweater...BUT, something happened....I won't go into further details cause if I do, Fajran might KILL ME....but I will say this, he told me that at that time, he was feeling VERY nervous, the MOST he's ever been so far in his life....and at the end of the night, he was a Happy Man...wait lemme rephrase that, Happy 'Dude'

And that ends the 'Class Dinner' story ark....after that like I said, GG everyday...bored but still GG anyways....pratically wasted 1/2 holidays doing nothing....waiting til after the mid term exam so that I can finally get ready to take my driving lisence!...There's also been arguments this week....to summarize it all up, the entire holiday SO FAR has been nothing but...let's just say, it's been one those bad week you have sometimes in your life....and I guess it ends my post for this time.....and Zzzzz....I don't know if I still wanna keep trying...even though I know it keeps ending up with the same fate thanks to my inability to 1, drive! 2, be able to get "ppl" out of their houses so that I spend some time wif 'em and 3, "ppl" not seeming to want "it"....and it's adult stuffs like some of you pervs think it is....and I'm out....

-E-

Part 5: If---

This is what everybody doing to me....pulling me...bringing me down everytime I try to get up...

Back again...it's been a while since I last updated my blog, didn't want it to be "dead" again and have another premature burial....haihz......it's like the picture says...everybody keeps on trying and trying to bring me down....everyday of my life there WILL BE always something or someone who makes my day ruined....and it's been happening since "that day"....for those who were in the same class as me in form 1, you know damn well what happened....it's a long time and yet, I still feel hesitated to even think about it let alone talk to people about it....that day mark the day that I became emotionally scarred....as you people would say it, "emo"...and since then I've tried again and again and again to put on a mask that will hide my true emotions....I act like a jerk, be annoying and it's tiring.....I've been doing it up until now....my emotion's been very no, TOO vurnerable since then and everytime someone says something that disturbs me, I then to get emotional....not because I want to...it's because you people made me so....even just today....my best friend, who I'd support any day in my life, he, who anytime I see him, he too will tease, insult me, tearing me apart...my BEST FRIEND....at least he is to me....I doubt I'm his....there's a difference between who ARE your best friend...and who you THINK are your best friends....and right now....I think I might have only 1....and he isn't the person who I think is my best friend....cause my "best friend" keeps insulting me everytime I see him, it's painful...it's enraging and I feel like tearing him apart...something which I shouldn't feel....everytime he insults me, he ALWAYS, CROSS THE LINE...but when I insult him, he gets angry immediately....it justs go to show how anybody can bring you down any time in your life....a lot of you who are my age, especially who were my classmates in form 1 know how I can be torn apart emotionally with a flick of a finger....and for my "best friend" to insult me everytime he sees me? It's like me having a large wound constantly trying to heal...and he keeps throwing salt right on the wound....EVERY SINGLE TIME that I see him, he'll do that....I don't know if I want him to be my best friend anymore....I'm not even sure I wanna be around him anymore....I've heard people say that he's one of the reason I'm holding back in everything I do and that's why the highest I've been in academics...is only 4th...I'm not even 3rd...I've never tasted that luxury before....and I want to....I...just don't know what to do anymore....like I said, my feelings are easily hurt by anyone....I know I can't do anything to people when it comes to words...because it's just words...it's not physical...I have a lot...and I mean A LOT of pent up aggression inside of me...and if the wrong person decides to push the wrong buttons, I WILL UNLEASH A FURY THAT YOU HAVE NEVER EVER SEEN BEFORE....and don't blame me if that person dies....cause I wouldn't mind going to jail if that happens....but if it's possible, I want my emotions to stay emotions and not be the last breath of that unfortunate person....

.....I need someone who would pick me up whenever I fall...I need someone who would sacrifice their body to protect me when I'm being stomped on the ground....I need someone who would always be on my side, right or wrong, I NEED someone who would be able to heal my deep wounds...I NEED someone who'll always be by my side until the day I die...I NEED someone who I'd be crazy about at the start of my day...and still would be at the end of my day....I NEED to find someone who would understand me and not just pass judgment based on what "people" say...I need someone who would make me want to reach my goals in life...I need someone who would be able to handle things when I'm not around...I NEED to find my 'Soulmate'.....and right now...I haven't found her yet....I like someone currently....but I don't know if she likes me back or if she's my soulmate....I....don't know how I'm gonna carry on living each day...if my wounds keep getting deeper and deeper...having no time to heal....I don't know if I can survive like this....before I know it...the end might be sooner than I thought....I might not even live to see the day that I even get a girlfriend or get married or have a family or fullfil my dreams or get my dream job, my dream house, my dream life.....I might not be able to live to see that day....if I keep going in my current condition.....

before I end this post, I'm putting this lyrics of a song that really desrcibes how I feel right now....the title is Falling Apart by Trust Company...for those who feel the same way as me...this's a song that you'd wanna listen to....

Trust Company - Falling Apart

I slipped away further from you,
Trying to find what is real,
You're somebody else that I never knew,
And someone that I can’t feel.....

I shut it away,
I keep it in me,
Is this what it takes to keep me alive?
So you take me and you break me,
And you see I’m falling apart,
Complicate me and forsake me,
You push me out so far,
There’s no more feeling.....

I slipped away closer to me,
The only thing that is real,
I’m falling behind and now I can see,
Your absence helps me heal.....

I shoved you away,
I keep you from me,
Is this what it takes to keep me alive?
So you take me and you break me,
And you see I’m falling apart,
Complicate me and forsake me,
You push me out so far,
There’s no more feeling.....

Spread, Spread out...
Spread, Spread out.....

So you take me and you break me,
And you see I’m falling apart,
Complicate me and forsake me,
You push me out so far....
And you take me and you break me,
And you see I’m falling apart,
There’s no more feeling.....

Part 4 : Do----

........I think by now I should confirm that I'll be sticking to 13 for my form 5 year.....so that problem aside....I guess it's just life that when one problem's gone, the next one emerges the next second....I know I shouldn't do this but I feel like I just can't sleep at night if I don't....I have a TERRIBLE mother for a parent and right now, I feel like I hate her more than I've ever hate anyone before in my life....but by some divine miracle, I haven't given her the full piece of my mind...though it's just a matter of time before I do....

....As to why I'm saying this is because she has been getting on my nerve for the past 7 months now...it started out small as a normal argument like I wanna buy something but she wouldn't let me....but ever since then, bit by bit I've realizing how her every action has affected me....and the result of it leads to me realizing that she's the one MOST RESPONSIBLE for screwing up MY LIFE, if it wasn't for her bad judgment, I would have crap myself to humiliation which ruin more than 3 years of my life!!! If it wasn't for her, I would've been a totally different and nicer person to make it short....and just because I didn't wanna continue my add maths tuition JUST beacause I JUST wanted to PASS, she twist and turn stories so that everybody will think that I'M the BAD GUY, not her....she has the nerve to tell ppl that I've become a bad son? that MY best friend has been a bad influence on me all these years? and just to add insult to injury, I was in the top 3 classes my whole primary year??? the last one my not make sense to a lot of you but all those things are nothing but a bunch of BULLSHIT!!!!!they're LIES LIES LIES LIES created by MY MOTHER just because she didn't like the way I've been treating her for months!!!!

.....I have been treating her worse than the rest of my family because I wanted to prove a point. What kind of mother just LAUGH at her son when her son's crying or whenever he's being serious??!!! Since young I was pratically "caged" in my house and I couldn't go out until I was 11....WTF'S WITH THAT???!!!!!! And jus so you ppl know, a lot of ppl DON'T LIKE HER because she keeps meddling with ppl's affairs, in other words, she's being VERY KIA SU with things ppl don't want her to!!! And she practically gives the worse advises EVER!!! Every time I follow what she says, it has NEVER EVER benefited my whatsoever, instead, it made my life worse! Another thing that pisses me off is that she can even tell ppl that I have NO FRIENDS and she DOESN'T KNOW WHY THINGS ARE BAD IN SCHOOL for me!!!! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF MOTHER IS THAT???!!!!!!! she doesn't even know me anymore and when she do know even 0.01% of it, she jumps into conclusion about my life and she makes it seems that she's ALWAYS RIGHT....she is one of THE MOST SELF-RIGHTEOUS PERSON I HAVE EVER MET in my whole life, every other asshole I've met in my life couldn't even hold a candle to her in terms of being one of the most self-righteous, self-centered, controlling and whenever I try to defend myself, she can mouth off to me and say, "I'm your mother, I have the right say so/do so" it may not be 100% correct but I can damn sure guarantee that it is at least 90% on the mark....

.....she's the kind of person who thinks she knows best, that she's always right! she doesn't listen to ppl, even if she did, it's like it goes in one ear and goes out the next, she's is one of THE MOST UN-UNDERSTANDING PARENT no, PERSON I've EVER MET!!!! I mean whenever something's wrong she keeps thinking she's right and that EVERYONE should listen to her otherwise they're not gonna be able to continue their life properly, that's how she acts....and when she knows she can't do something, she always ask someone else to do it for her, always asking "someone" to listen and she'll be the puppet-master from the shadows....like i said, she's a control freak...the only thing that's keeping me going, is the fact that one day I'm gonna leave this house....and I'm NEVER coming back!!! Just to make it sweeter, she was sick last year and had to go to the hospital, she had to stay there for a few days, originally I didn't wanted to go because I knew what was gonna happen....and I'm still human so I went there trying my best to keep my anger locked away....but when I reached there, the FIRST THING that she did when she see me is try to PISS ME OFF!!! It just goes to show the extent of how much she wants me to be constantly angry...I've been trying so long to change my life around, to to control my anger, to be able to smile without it being fake but SHE, SHE had to insert herself and mess with MY LIFE, I had made plans, plans to make my life better, even when I was a kid....but because of her, I had to throw it all away and be stuck with the misarable state that I'm in right now......and SHE even dares to compare me to other ppl's children saying, "Why other's people can, why you cannot?" or "Other people's children know when to do things without them telling" and there's more where that came from...but I really remember them all.....and there's one thing, some things ppl don't know how to do....so how the hell are they suppose to do it if they don't even know how?! Right now I am filled with anger just by thinking about her, much less having to live with her....it's painful.....but I'm making new plans to build back my life which have been crush by the very person who gave it to me in the first place....and I need all the help I can get....now, this may seem like I'm a terrible trrible son....but I have no other options left....I'm gonna alienate her from my life as much as possible...I don't want her to have ANYTHING to do with my life.....then maybe this crushed soul can live once again.....just maybe.....but I don't plan on just making it a 'maybe'......I want my life back and dammit I've been in hell for far too long! I'll run, I'll walk, I'll crawl my way through if I have to so that I can get my life, my will, my resolve back without being controlled by the puppet-master anymore.....I have very few people to help me do so....but I can't just rely on them, even so, I still need they're help so that I can finally be free.....just so I can be free to live out my life the way I WANT TO...not the way that others want me to.......

-E-

Part 3 : You-----

Back again...and I've been meaning to say this but I have a cousin that kinda resembles this person in the picture for a while now....She doesn't look exactly 100% same but whenever I see her, she definately reminds me of my couz. So...this week when to cc not once but twice, started play dotA again and feeling really sienz cause I've just finished playing about like 3 games and all are long about at least 1 hour each.....so I thought I'd update my blog for a change...aside from dat, 2day's a holiday, get to sleep late, wake up late and my back is somehow killing me right now XD
------
-------
---------
--------
------
-----
------hmmm....wat else is there.....? Urm...things are better now....I guess? than before this, well, at least this is how I feel....but how long will it actually last???...........hmm...wat else is there??? Urm....cny passed quite a long time ago, it was nice....wish I could've stayed longer but things don't really go the way you want it to......exams are coming, things have been different than usual, some for the good, some for the bad, either way, it's changing my life day by day....
.........
.......
..........oh yeah, my class is apparently doing something like a (summary???) of how's the life of each ppl in 4f and 5f....ppl's been busy trying to write something they'd remember and not regretting that they wrote it...I've been working on mine myself, it's about 90% complete, I'll finish the rest on tuesday in sch cause I am just way way too lazy right now....feeling sleepy but not feeling sleepy and dat's about it I guess......



-E-
"I hear voices crying....."

The Main Event....

Hey, quick update ppl and I just have one thing to say......R.K.O. IS GOING TOOOOO WRESTLEMANIAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Part 2 : Would----

Back for another day to write boring stuffs that ppl wouldn't want to read XD. If you're wondering what's the deal with the poster, it's a new John Cena movie coming out some time around March....it won't be in M'sia though cause it's still backwatered compared to other countries....Anyway, urm...currently sick(ugh...)not good, feel like crap, head feels heavy, can't barely speak, sneeze like blowing out a birthday cake for the past few hours and now writing this down for reasons I myself do not know why......let's see...what's more.......watch some spongebob special thing that i downloaded.....for like 5 times now(damn! I'm lifeless!)hmm.....what else is there...?
..............
.............
.........
......
....
oh yeah, been working lil' bit on the name weapons thingy...okay, name weapons is just bogus, i'll just say my game, it'd be easier....as I was saying, been working a lil' bit in here and there and let's just say it's getting better bit by bit each day(schooling day that is)............
.........
........
........
.......
.........
well, I just saw a few pics of a gurl I liked about an hour ago....she's happy....and that's good.....Also, "She"(a diff person), seems to be "watching" some guy to see if he's her "potential" bf...this's what I think but I'm not sure myself...anyway, they seem to be happy....well, at least "she" knows how to find a way to be...."she"s happy, my previous crush's happy, everyone's happy....what about me...????Me??? hmph....I'm just not cut out to be happy.........I'm sick, I'm lifeless, what else more do you want me to add? Short? Skiny? Stupid? Useless? Emo? Irritatting? You name it, I'm whatever you say....but just to make this clear, I'm not queer. So far, this year's been like last year to me, not kind...but the only thing that keeps me going is to reach my "Sanctuary" one day...but now....even it seems to be turning into another hell hole before I even reached there, waiting to lure me in and throw me into the endless, bottomless pit of suffering......I don't know if I wanna go there if all that awaits me there is more pain, more suffering, more agony....I don't want that anymore....I don't want to feel anymore pain, physical pain I can still handle...but mental....if I do, I'll break....I'll break and end my life before anyone realize it.....I don't know whether to stay or to go...because it seems like anywhere I go, there's just more bad things waiting for me.....and everyday I try so hard just to get by, to put a fake smile, I wear a mask that hides my pain, everyone does but mine can shatter to pieces at any moment.......I need to find peace in my life, I really do....so here's my request to anyone who's reading this, to all my friends, family, enemies, fellow readers, help me find peace back in my life, leave me be, don't torture me anymore, help me find the peace in my life I lost so long ago...and in return, I swear to repay you with kindness, it's not much, it may be hard for me to do but it's the only thing I have left that I'll do my best to deliver...just like the song 'Savin' Me' by Nickelback, if you think it is worth saving me, help me do this small favour that I request.......to all that have spend time to read the thoughts of this broken soul, I appreciate you spending time to read....and with this, I end my post for now........

Part 1: What---

It's...been a long time since I last updated this "dead" blog...to others it may seem like little but to me, there's been quite an amount of things that happen...first off, it's 2009 and 10 days late to wish any of you people happy new year so, I won't bother on that...For the last 2 months of '08 was kinda boring, watch 'Twilight's the only I've done that did not make me feel pathetic...other than that it's new year's eve...kinda fun to have people around for a change....overall, I'll just say that '08 is a B*tch(mind my language). As for '09...I started first day of school MUCH differently than the previous years...got caught 'cause my hair was "long", after that had near 4 hours of grueling tuition...Second day was better!!!(being so sacarstic) We had to listen to about 1 1/2-2 hours worth of words which most students just see it as 'useless facts'...and every day after school I'll just sleep til' I'm satisfied because it's been tiring so far...other than this are....well, there's a new girl in my class, my classroom sux, I hate waking up so damn early, got the school yearbook....that's all I can think right now to summarize up these few months....can't really remember other things....
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
...Well...."she" sure seems to be doing fine....but I'm starting to wonder if I should really go.....and whenever I do...school here seems nice....as though I don't wanna leave....eventhough...I know I'm not needed nor wanted here....there's people waiting for me in my "Sanctuary" but.....ARGH!!!! I hate how I feel now! It's like when you die, you can choose to stay as a wandering spirit or go to "the other side"....and right now, I feel like a wandering spirit, I'm not needed, I'm not wanted yet I feel like staying eventhough I don't want to....I guess....I'm still staying to search for a reason to stay....not reasons given to me, reasons for me to stay....and right now...I don't have that....if I have a reason to stay, I might....but now, nobody hasn't really given me one.....I....I....feel like I have to go...it's the only way for me not keep drowning in my "Sea of Self-Obligation"....
.....
.....
.....
........It's been a long post, if I'm boring you, I apologize. I guess it's just one of my bad habits to make people bored.....right now...I feel like I must go....I have to.....if nobody gives me a reason to stay, I will....